I could not predict that those simple words would lead me to a time of change, kindness, and friendship. Nor the pride to be, somehow, remembered in a corner of the collective mind as the one that tries, one endless caption at a time, to show why he is not, and why it is so important.
In last year's post, I attempted to address the first point.
And, yet, I feel I barely started expressing why words like "villain" or "ruthless" ("having no pity or compassion for others") stab my soul like sharp daggers.
Thrawn is not just an imaginary character that I enjoy.
It is like someone ultimately understood and is able to describe who a certain kind of human thinks, behaves, and is.
And, finally, there I am.
Seen. Existing.
And it is not because I am particularly brilliant. Simply, never before a character that processed reality as I do was not a rude, horrible sentient being, which was the classical narrative, the usual “Sherlock package”.
Mr. Zahn took Holmes and his neurodivergence, and removed conceit and vanity. Thrawn is, at the same time, logical but kind, calm but full of emotion. His way of approaching situations and problems is systematic, but this does not make him a robot nor an insensible moron. He is endlessly patient, he adores teaching, he loves curious people, the company of his friends.
And cheese triangles.
He shares with many of us his inability to read hypocrisy. His tendency to be misunderstood.
And, with *me*, a feeling of intrinsic unworthiness underneath the almost almighty sense of self.
He can deal with disappointment, solitude, and pain better than anyone else.
Handling the worst scenarios, the most upsetting outcomes.
Never acting for his own good.
But because, fundamentally, he believes that his existence has no reason without that.
Without protecting, sacrificing, being the one making the harder choices.
Being useful.
And if he is a villain unworthy of happiness.
So I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment