Counter surfing inside your heart

"And all 22 of those navigators only want to serve aboard my ship now.

I’ve found myself in charge of a larger ship, a larger crew, and approximately 30 younglings following me about- my prior navigators and my newest additions.

Thrawn, I love them more than I feel I’m allowed to.

They’re children, for fucks’s sake.

When they draw pictures, they’re told to grow up and handle things like adults.

I can’t stand it.

So, when they draw me pictures, I very proudly hang them up in my office.

I guess you can say I’ve become a bit of an art collector as of late.

You’d probably love it.

You’d especially find it fascinating that they all draw me as well over six feet tall and that just simply isn’t the case.

No, I don’t need you to remind me of the time you caught me counter surfing to reach the top shelf of the cabinet in the break room.

If you made sound when you walked, I wouldn’t have almost broken my arm."

~

[This excerpt is from a beautiful story on Ao3. Unfortunately, because I am generally a complete idiot, when I note a passage I love, often I do not mark down the reference, certain (sigh!) that I will remember.

Please, let me know the author if you recall them so that I can give proper credit]

~

Some fan stories, simply, ARE canon.

I won't believe anyone who says otherwise.

[Photo: beautiful Eli art by @cherriielle. Thushie from @lindahansenraj and Thrawn wooden statue from @amandaanime99_cosplay. Tooka made by the talented @scifigirlnextdoor]

You serve your master well

"You serve your master well, and you will be rewarded."

~

Personal and irrelevant post.

After three years of commendable service, the time of my Oculus Quest finally reached its end.

The "old" incredible device is still up and running, to be honest, but I have extraordinarily kind souls around me, and I recently received as a gift the new shiny version (the Oculus 2).

I'm loved and cuddled.

And it's perfect.

So, even if I painfully know that this post will bomb like biiiiig time, I need to express (and it's silly, I'm very aware of it) how grateful I am to my old Oculus.

And, yes, I do humanize almost all my devices and appliances.

I give names to cars and PCs and calculators.

And "Kanan", with its Jaig eyes decals, totally saved me during 412 days of isolation, deserving my endless gratitude.

Through it, I could see the sunset on Batuu, talk to Vader, flyby a ISD with my u-wing, explore the Himalayas, and experience the world as a blind person.

I could also draw nonsensical 3D sculptures with friends living miles away, dance with them, laugh at our collective inability to be serious during any "war simulator", and take idiotic selfies of our virtual (soldiers) selves instead.

Thank you, Kanan.

You truly served me well.

A luminous soul

[Eli] took a step forward, giving the girl his best smile. “Hello, Navigator Un’hee,” he said. [] “I’m Lieutenant Eli. I understand you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes,” the girl said, her voice soft and nervous. “Do they also call you Ivant?”

“That’s my core name,” Eli said. “Or it would be if I were a Chiss. Obviously, I’m not. In my culture, my friends and family would call me Eli.”

“Eli,” Un’hee said, frowning. “So just the first part?”

“Yes.”

“Strange.”

“Some of the things about us are strange,” Eli conceded. “Of course, to us some of the ways of the Chiss are equally strange. But that’s good. Learning about each other’s ways and learning how we’re alike despite our differences is a way to enrich our lives.” []

“[Vah’nya] told me you weren’t Chiss,” Un’hee said. “She said you don’t stand on either edge, but act only for the whole Ascendancy. [] [She] said that if [Ar’alani] wasn’t here, I could trust you. Was she wrong?”

“No, not at all,” Eli assured her. “You can absolutely trust me, just as I can trust you. []

“Are you worried about her?”

Eli pursed his lips. “I’m worried, yes,” he said. “But only in the sense of uncertainty. Without full knowledge, a person has to rely on trust and hope. Insufficient hope usually comes out as concern.”

He nodded toward the memory wall, the collected trophies and mementos of Ar’alani’s life and career. [] “Standing together, I don’t believe there’s a force in the universe that can defeat both Admiral Ar’alani and Grand Admiral Mitth’raw’nuruodo.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I’d like to prove that to you. Would you help me prove it to you?” []

The girl hesitated, and he saw her eyes drift to the memory wall. “All right,” she said. “But only if you stand beside me.”

Eli nodded. [] “I’ll stand beside you and protect you,” he promised. “No one will approach or interfere. Not as long as I live.”

~

I used parts of this dialogue in the past (twice!), with very different intents.

Today, I am simply here to manifest the luminous soul of Eli Vanto.

The cowboy with the biggest heart.

His compassion, his love.

That should be protected at all costs.

[Photo: art by CaoAmoss, pin by @ritarussiandoll_pins]

Missing the baobab

Maintaining emotional balance is very complicated for some.

Not feeling attachment or (worse) affection is easier.

You live in bubble wrap.

Detached. Distant.

But safe.

Then people like Talis storm into your life.

And you tell yourself "I can try, right?"

To trust? To love?

So, clearly, I won't survive season two.

[Nor this relationship]

When I already know that no.

"Jayce will *not* understand."

He will not hug you, whispering that everything is ok.

And you knew.

It is always like this.

Being vulnerable is always a bad idea.

[I should have learned it at this point]

The blue cake of disappointment

Distracting Eli for allowing Ezra to steal a slice of a freshly baked cake for a minute navigator's joy is a totally legit use of the "controlled diversion" technique, I guess.

Despite the fact that I am daubing my stories with my useless sad feelings, I do not want this space to be anything but a happy place *for everyone*.

I am a sucker for tooth-rotting fluff, and @soulnova_alizrak conveyed that everything is wonderful in life in this snapshot of familiar bliss.

So today, I decided to celebrate (with a couple of days' delay) the birthday of a smol, sweet, fakely-grumpy, big-hearted guy from the Wild Space.

He is precious and must be protected at any cost.

[Ok, the excerpt is bittersweet, but it is so Eli]

~

"Again", the glowing red eyes turned on him. “What do you mean?” []

For all Thrawn’s military skill and insight, he seemed incapable of seeing this one on his own. “I mean, sir, there’s a good chance that you’re going to leave a trail of damaged careers in your wake. In fact, you already have.” []

“There was no such intent on my part.”

“I know that,” Eli said. “It’s not because of anything you’ve done. It’s just the political reaction to—well, to you.”

“That was never my intent in accepting the Emperor’s service.”

“Intent isn’t the point,” Eli said patiently. “The problem is that you don’t fit into the neat little box navy officers are supposed to fill. You’re not human; worse, you’re not from the Core Worlds.”

“Neither are you or many others.”

“But the rest of us Wild Space yokels aren’t flying rings around all the politically connected elite who think they’re such flaming-hot stuff,” Eli pointed out. “You’re showing them up, and they resent you for it. And if they can’t take you down, they’ll go after the people they think helped make you who you are.”

“People like you?” []

“They’d probably come after me if they thought I was worth the effort,” he said, sidestepping the question.

“Do you suggest I try to be less capable?”

“Of course not,” Eli said firmly. “You do that and more people will die and more bad guys get away. I’m just pointing out that you need to be aware that you’re in the political crosshairs.”

V

Storytellers

I feel more compelled than ever to continue my "Ezra and Thrawn" series.

Mourning, if you want, what that story would have the potential to give us.

Powerful dynamics, hilarious interactions, fluff heart-melting moments.

As Zhan suggested in a 2021 panel:

"The question was what I would do to bring Thrawn back after nine years of vanishing... It seems to me that what we need to do is to set up some kind of a reluctant buddy thing between Thrawn and Ezra. The way I see it is that Thrawn persuades Ezra that there are worse things out there even than the Empire. The Empire has an all bunch of Rebels fighting against it; this is something that you and you alone can help us defeat. So, if Thrawn can persuade Ezra to work with him, reluctantly, probably, but I think that that would be the basis for the story. Think back to... one of my favorite examples of this is the tv show "White Collar": [] they don't really trust each other, but they work well together. [] So I think it would be something of that same flavor. Ezra would never be quite trusting Thrawn, looking for "what angle is he playing, what he is trying to get me to do that I shouldn't be doing." At the same time, Thrawn is, "I need your assistance; how do I get this from you without making you bolt." So there is a lot of interesting byplay. And, of course, you can bring people like Eli Vanto to talk to Ezra. "Yes, I was an imperial; now I am working with these guys because I recognize that there are more dangerous things out there as well." So there is a whole bunch of interesting dynamics that you can put together."

[Photo: GentleGiant Ezra and Chopper Maquette]

The answer is NO

Eli is not a picky eater, has never been a picky eater. []

That being said, Eli has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from grimacing when the dish is set in front of him. []

“Sir,” Eli hisses. “It’s moving.”

“I see that, ensign,” Thrawn mutters, a hardness in his tone that Eli hasn’t heard in a long time.

“I can’t do this.” Eli watches as the tentacles thrash in the bowl.

“For the Empire.”

“I don’t get paid enough to be fucking strangled from the inside,” Eli hisses, turning to his CO.

Thrawn is also watching the tentacles in his bowl. “That seems unlikely.”

“Would you like me to run numbers on the probability of exactly that happening?”

“No. I think I’d prefer the element of surprise.”

Eli watches as everyone grabs a wriggling tentacle with their thumb and forefinger, tilts their head back and lets it drop down their throat. []

“When is it socially acceptable to feign illness?” Thrawn asks him just as quietly.

“I think we’re gonna have to tough this one out, sir.”

Thrawn’s shoulders droop, the closest thing to defeat Eli has ever seen and probably will ever see. “I see.”

“Bottoms up,” Eli grabs the goblet.

“Indeed.”

[From "Delicacy" by amukmuk]

~

May I have the announcement of a long series of books filled with hysterically fluffy Eli and Thrawn shenanigans, from their Academy wild adventures to Thrawn's serene retirement, instead of Celebration nerve-wracking panels?

I'm here, powerless, biting my nails.

Inexorably waiting for the terrible things they will arbitrarily do to him.

I have been sitting on the edge for so long.

And now, now it is finally the time.

Did they see him?

Did they understand him?

Did they give him the love he deserves?

Did they realize the unlimited comical potential of this blue, adorable, polite, handsome alien, especially when he is around witty cowboys and inherently hilarious former street urchins?

[Photo: t-shirt by FanFixx on Etsy. In the background, Thrawn pillow by @psiibee]